July 6th, 2010.

"A Flash Back to the Past."
No no, this isn't a poem but I guess I have this blog a particular name and because I think I'm going to write more than one blog today, so here it goes; As I look back on this past year I've noticed I've lost olds friends and gained new friends. I've learned I've cried way more than I probably should have. I've realized I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've realized that someone could actually fall in love with me. I've realized making a Facebook is mainly for my entertainment. I've realized who to trust and who not to. I've realized teachers do care about how you're going to turn out in life. I've realized that family is important. I've realized you can chase after your dreams at a young age. I've realized you have to fail and get back up to be good at something. I've realized a lot of things. I've realized things about my own self to be honest.
Old friends and new friends; I've lost Tamie, Gianna, Giandra, and Rebecca. Why? All for mainly different yet same reasons. Tamie: I thought this girl could be my best friend, I was wrong. I said one thing to her boyfriend and she dumps me. Like I'm a piece of shit. They broke up for like 5 fucking minutes, and he asked me how I truly felt about it. I said "I think Tamie deserves better, to be honest." And he flips out on me, and shit. Come on. Just because I said that she stopped being my friend. /: I guess I do everything wrong now. He hates me and so does she. Oh and they are still together. I wonder if she knows he's a LIAR. Because that guy fucked my boyfriends ex and he told Tamie he was a virgin. Ha. Fucking people. Gianna and Giandra: Because they don't like Michael. I guess they really don't care about me. I guess they just don't see that I'm happy. Yes, Michael comes with drama but he does mean a lot to me. I still do want to be their friends but I they don't care. Rebecca: We drifted, I guess that's all. She's not really a "friend" anymore. Yeah, we hung out once this summer, no twice. But not really friends, I hope we get back on track. But losing those friends made me see who is actually important in my life, and who can actually be worthy of being a friend to me. I've gained friends I didn't know I was capable of being compatible with. What I mean is, I grew stronger with people I had no idea I could be friends with. For instance; Robin, Chey, Dan, DanL, Helen, and Sam. Robin: She has been a friend. She's there to talk to. She's there to hang with, although we haven't really hung out. She's just so sweet and I believe her word on anything. Chey: I've known Chey for a while. But Freshman year is where I got to know her most, and hang out with her. Talk to her about my true feelings about life. To know someone who is like me makes me feel safe. Dan: 'GangbangerDan' He makes me laugh, and hanging out with him is kind of awkward but he's cool. He's a cool guy who is full of knowledge. Helen: She's my little ninja, and I know I can count on her for anything. Sam: He's someone I met over the internet, and he is pretty cool. I can talk to him although, I think don't think we're friends anymore because 1. He doesn't talk. Even though he probably is busy. 2. Mike doesn't like that he talks to me so it's okay.
Depression and anxiety I've had it my whole life but it's been bad this whole year. Basically because of stress. And that's coming from all the things that happened. Grandma dying, Payton's shit, friends, just drama I suppose. It's like I can't take alot, yes I do cut but I haven't because I promised Michael I wouldn't. >.< So I pop pills, happy pills. [: Although, they don't work.
People can fall in love with me: I mean, Michael. He's just...wow. His love blows me away. I'm gonna narrow it down to this: If God exists then he's the evidence.<3 Trust: I'm trusting no one these days. Because I can't really tell anyone anything or else they tell someone. /: Trust isn't real. Without the teachers I had in this school year then I'd be no where. What I mean in fail and try, try again is that my poems have been really suck-ish. And I've been trying to make them better. [: I never really finished this blog and I don't really think I will, so I'm going to leave it at that and write a whole different one.