Thrusday, July 28th 2010.

Not many things have been going on today. I was in a a good mood until I got a text from my boyfriend that said "Ashley talk to me?" One; My name isn't Ashley & Two; He promised not to talk to that fucking whore.
>.< It hurt, a lot. And it still does... I mean, she "loves" him & I'm just some girl who happens to have his heart and what not. All she has is the beautiful slim body and tits. Me? I'm just some fatass girlfriend of his who has a lot of love to give and is giving it to him. -__- Ugh. I really hope he doesn't keep talking to her. It would kill me.

Alyssa Smith.

She is my best friend. And she is the only person I can trust, mainly. Yeah, I trust my boyfriend but not with the things I trust with her. Now, I'm writing this because tonight she told me she didn't feel loved, and she is. I love her, as a person. She's sweet, kind, funny, and smart. She's not beautiful, or gorgeous, she's beyond it. She just doesn't understand that there is people in the world who think she's completely awesome, cool, understanding, smart, genuine, beautiful, and outgoing. Yeah, she doesn't have a boyfriend, and I'm sort of glad. No, I'm not glad she hasn't found love or anything, but I'm glad she has never been hurt by being in a relationship. She's so fragile and I'd hate to see her sad. I already do see her sad, because he crush doesn't like her. -__- Alyssa is completely amazing beyond all words. She's completely undescribable. She doesn't see the potential she has. I want her to realize, she IS loved. And she forever will be. For as long as she's my best friend.

Random Shit About Me.

- I can sing pretty well when I'm trying.
- I can't dance for shit.
- I've lost friends who were close to me.
- I try to stay away from drama but it hunts me down like a cop.
- I have a boyfriend.
- I have a best friend.
- I'm a proud fan of Fall Out Boy.
- I get sick easily.
- I love watching movies.
- I write poetry.
- I used to skateboard.
- I text a lot.
- I'm always cold.
- I hate being in big crowds.
- I love looking at the stars late at night.
- I'm very blunt.
- I can't show how I feel towards love, or even explain it to the person I love to death.
- I peel the skin off my grapes before I eat them.
- I'm 15, but I'm more mature than that.
- I have a lot of ambitions I would like to succeed at, but too young to even bother right now.
- I think way to much.
- When I open up to someone, I usually cry.
- I believe in love.
- I believe in God.
- My idol has died this year, and I need her more then ever. (R.I.P Maxine Funkhouser. Grandma, I love you.)
- I have a short temper.
- I get annoyed easily.
- My favorite color is purple.
- My favorite animal is a penguin.
- I'm very sarcastic, it isn't funny.
- I don't pay attention is any class, I doodle.
- I'm very observant about people.
- I hate my smile.
- I love my laugh.
- I have the voice and laugh of a little girl.
- People hate me.
- I hate people.
- I have a tendency of stuttering.
- I hate meeting new people.
- I'm extremely shy.
- When I'm in a huge crowd or even a class room, I don't talk. I just listen.
- I'm not afraid to stand up for myself.
- I'm aggressive when angry or sad.
- I have depression.
- I have schizophrenia.
- I have a short attention span.
- I fall fast, and hard.
- My favorite band is The Used.
- I love wrist bands, I only wear single wrist bands on my right arm.
- I'm a cutter.
- I'm not emo.
- I hate being labeled.
- I love soup.
- I've been addicted to Dairy Queen lately.
- I've never felt this way about anyone else.
- He's my first boyfriend, my first kiss.
- I don't trust many, or any.
- I'm messy.
- I'm a pig when I eat, fuck it.
- I love sad, love, hard rock, metal, screamo, and mellow songs.
- I have puppy that is vicious.
- I enjoy reading.
- I color a lot.
- I can express my feelings in writting.
- I take things out on people who don't deserve it, and I'm sorry.
- I'm hypocritical.
I'm someone who wishes she can change most of these things.
- I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be.
- I'm not worth anyones love.
- I don't deserve the things I get.
...Me. Deal with it.

"Will You Marry Me"

The words he spoke today made my heart beat faster. " I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your beauty. I don't deserve your love. I can't make you happy." But he does. He really does. "I don't deserve you, I'm not good enough for you. You're perfect for me. Marry me?" I said "No. Because we don't know what we're doing." And he said " Babe. Marry me?" Then I said "Yes. But we don't know what we're doing." And he said "Yeah we do. We're engaged. We're going to get an apartment or a condo. Have a 15 foot pool and then get married. After we get married, I'm going to carry you to that room, and kiss you. Then kiss you again. And kiss you again. Sooner or later we'll have two beautiful children and you'll be a great mother. How does that sound? With you, everything will be perfect. You're perfect for me. I love you." Although I said no the first time, he made me believe all these things could, and possibly will happen. I don't know why, but I do believe he actually loves me. I believe he means every word he says to me. I may be attached, and I may be falling hard too fast. But I fucking love this kid to death, and I'd do anything to protect him. I just thought I'd make a blog. I've had very good days lately, I wonder how long my happiness is going to last. Michael has a HUGE part in my smiles lately.

10.07.09 Lets Make This Last Forever, Shall We? ♥

Morning Of Today.

Michaels coming to pick me up and we're going to hang out today. I'll clean tomorrow.
'Nuff said.

AnyoneWannaKnowWhatIStillLove?

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael Razzario Rovatuso Minneci.<3 >

Something that I will always keep in my heart and mind that I promised him is " Till Death Due Us Part."

FuckingHateLove.

I feel so crushed. Like a car ran me over twice, a bus fell on top of me after, and nothing is broken by my heart. The reason for the last blog is because I found out a lot of things Ashley said to my boyfriend. I broke up with him. I found pictures of her naked, text messages saying I love you and shit. I can't help it. I mean, I took him back. But I feel like I hate myself. I feel like I should just leave him be and come back when I think he isn't going to hurt me anymore. Every time I look into his beautiful brown eyes, I see hurt. I see destroy. I see tears. I see me...-crushed.- Being obsessed, being attached; it's all new to me. I seriously haven't felt this way before. Maybe because yes, he is my first real boyfriend. Yes, I believe I LOVE him. I can't be with anyone else, I've tried it with this so called "Alex" guy who isn't real. Getting played isn't cool. -__- I just... I don't know. I think I'm done for good. "His tears don't fall, they crash around me." I can't let that quote come true. All I know is, I think I need to get over him. I think I just need some time apart to realize that he can't get away with hurting me all the fucking time. This HAS happened before but... this time, it didn't hurt. It killed.