Shitty day. Very shitty day. I don't know what took over me. That's a lie. I was full of depression and rage. I was just so pissed off today. It started when my mother kept yelling at me for no reason, and then it just went downhill. I started crying. Because, to be honest... I took ALL my anger out on Michael. I hate when I do that. I know that it makes him feel horrible. I know that it makes him feel like I don't love him or I don't care. The truth is none of that. The truth my fellow readers, is that I just can't and don't want to handle most of these things that are happening for us. Really, this girl Payton. She must feel special because that's all we talk about... But he doesn't know how much it crushes me when I just hear a symbol of her name come out of his mouth. It's like a knife cutting into me everytime. Just her in general, I can't take it. She follows me to the bathroom in school, flashs Michael when I'm around, and just calls me a whore behind my back and stuff to MY FRIENDS on the badminton team.... It's really to much stress for me. But the thing is, I want him. I want him badly and I don't want to give him up. I guess another reason I want him is so that she can't have him. Then I start to think I can't take her anymore, I start to think that I should just let her win this battle, that she's so much better then me, and that Michael would be so much happier because I'm just a raging bitch. I feel like I am at least, because I always take things out on him. *Sigh* After thinking that, I cry. I try to get him to let me go, and just to understand how much it kills me that she's doing all this.... But he doesn't let me go, he doesn't want to understand because he wants to keep me. -___- Why does he want to keep a fuckup like me? That's all I seem to do; mess things up. But after I cried.... and while I was crying... Michael comforted me. Back to the main point; shitty day. Clothes I wore to school was shitty, how I felt was shitty, the way I looked was shitty, and the way I acted was shitty. I can't do anything about today but try to put it in the past and stop acting like an idiot. I guess I'm going to get some sleep. I'll write another blog soon.... I hope.
"Do you ever get tired of being an idiot?" "No, it doesn't make me tired."
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